Knowing the Destination Aids in the Journey: Defining Ourselves by Our Healthy Characteristics
I learned something very early in my collegiate coaching career: there are a million different things that can go wrong and only a very few ways they can go right. When I was young I would try to examine all of the issues and correct them one by one. Often, when I would correct one issue it would reveal another issue or, even worse, CAUSE another problem. I was so busy finding and fixing problems that I often missed all the things that were going right. Sometimes I’d drill something right through “right” back into another version of wrong.
Overtime I developed as a coach and, through many hard lessons, realized that when I knew what something looked like when it was right I was a much more effective coach. When I didn’t just coach something away from being wrong but started moving to coaching toward being right I was more easily able to avoid the pitfalls of overthinking and over-coaching. I was also able to better verbalize what I was looking for and how to get there. Communication was more clear, action to be taken was well known, and success followed more often than not.
I’m starting to believe mental health works in a very similar manner. I think it is very important to know possible triggers and work diligently toward correcting patterns of thinking that make us our own worst enemy. However, what happens when we are so focused on fixing what’s wrong that we forget what’s right? I’ve met countless people, and have often been one of that number, that can tell you all the behaviors I exhibit when I am mentally unhealthy, but can’t tell you what I’m working toward because I don’t actually know the signs and markers for when I’m feeling healthy.
It's like trying to use a map. You can see all the roads, all the speed traps, all the accidents, and all the traffic stoppages. It’s an interactive map that can give you turn my turn directions and even respond to your voice and make needed adjustments…except for one problem…you don’t know where you’re going. A map does no good without a destination.
Many of us work without a destination for our map. We know all the problems and issues when we are struggling but we don’t recognize when we are right. That happens fairly naturally because, after all, being healthy just feels right. It’s when we’re unhealthy that we feel off. But I often define myself by my characteristics of when I am unhealthy as opposed to healthy.
So here’s my list of healthy characteristics. Maybe it will help you to start one of your own.
When I am mentally healthy I:
1. Like to do small improvements to my home. Yardwork, electronic upgrades, new light fixtures, etc.
2. Tickle my kids just to hear them laugh.
3. Spend time being creative with graphics and video editing. I’ll sit for hours at a time just getting lost in the enjoyment of creating.
4. Write often and freely.
5. Stop and make small talk with complete strangers and often walk away knowing something about that person that goes beyond simple small talk.
6. Converse with my friends much more often.
7. Enjoy and look forward to workouts. I also enjoy the fatigue and soreness after a hard workout.
What are actions you often take when you are feeling healthy?