The lime green in the logo isn’t just a style choice. Lime green is the color of mental health. Faithfully Fit seeks to remove the stigma of mental health by keeping an open and running dialog about the importance of community and the dangers of isolation.
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Your Story Matters.
Our lives are made up of all the stories that we come across and create throughout our lives. Each person’s story that we encounter impacts us. And conversely, everyone who encounters our story is impacted by us. Faithfully Fit is built on the telling and the listening of stories. When we begin to think that our story’s no longer matter is when we begin to lose hope. The best part of a story though: we can always add to it.
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Relationships Matter.
Mental health isolates us. We are the only one in our head and those negative thoughts that tell us we aren’t enough, we are broken, and we are useless only get louder and louder because there isn’t someone else there to refute it. Genuine relationships matter because they are the avenue that people use to speak the truth of situations into our lives. When I thought I was the worst part of everyone’s life I kept it to myself. I had convinced myself that everyone was better off without me. It wasn’t until I shared this with the people closest to me that they were able to tell, and show, me how horribly wrong I was and how important I was to each of their lives.
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Your Thoughts Matter.
Mental health issues lead to some very scary places and situations. One of the scariest is the point where ending your life feels like the best option. I’ve been there. It seemed like the only solution. And the worst part in looking back? It didn’t seem that crazy at the time. It actually seemed pretty rational. We don’t wake up one day and decide to end our life. It starts smaller than that. “I don’t matter.” “They wouldn’t miss me.” “They’re better off without me.” “Why do I even want to be here?” Our thought process matters because it dictates where our actions will carry us. That’s why Faithfully Fit is about communication within the community. In the same way we constantly test our fitness to determine the proper training we have to constantly test our thoughts to determine the next steps.
My Story
In 2014 I was a pastor in small town. We lived in a renovated house next to the church, had 2 wonderful children, 2 dogs, and 2 cars. My wife was a nurse. I was the pastor that everyone in the town wanted to hear. We were living a wonderful life…and I wanted to kill myself.
I didn’t know it but I was suffering from a pretty severe depression and anxiety disorder. Nothing seemed straight in my mind. I started having panic attacks when the phone would ring or someone would knock on the door because I didn’t know who trying to reach me or what they wanted to talk about.
Despite the struggle, I kept all this locked inside. I was a new pastor and I’d heard that ministry was difficult so I was going to suck it up and push through. As the thoughts continued I began to feel like I was defective and too weak to do this job because I constantly felt overwhelmed and afraid. There didn’t seem to be anything to be afraid of. People certainly had more difficult lives that I did so what was wrong? I must be defective.
I continued to hold this in, thinking that my wife, my family, and my friends would be ashamed of me or, worse, would agree with me that I was too weak. I became more and more isolated. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. I was ashamed of myself and no one knew it. The isolation was like a warm blanket that was strangling me. It was both comforting and terrible. I understand that it may not make sense, but that’s the thing about these scenarios, they don’t have to make sense to be real. And dangerous.
It wasn’t until I had decided that everyone was better off without me and decided that suicide was the best option that I finally decided to shared what was going on in my heart and in my head. After months of suffering, I had people that poured out their love and support directly into what had been so difficult in my heart. They had loved me that whole time, but I kept them at a distance either physically or emotionally. Usually both.
It took several years for me to be willing to talk about what happened because I felt like a failed pastor, and maybe a failed Christian. I was far from the truth and God began to call me to share my story to let others know they weren’t alone. Faithfully Fit is born from the calling to create and build relationships that speak truth and life into each other and to support each other to be there to celebrate in the good and hold each other up in the bad.