The Joy of Community
The truth of the matter is that I know one day I won’t see much of interaction my kids have with their friends. They are 9 and 12 and that has already started. I’m not privy to all their conversations and interactions. I do my best but, as they grow, their relationships will continue to grow and be more independent. I guide them and teach them everything I can but I have learned that seeing a community develop and envelop your child is one of the greatest blessings and reliefs that a parent has.
Today I watched with joy as I saw the seed of relationship and mentorship be spread by someone else in my daughter’s life. Two of the athletes at the local university were helping her with some gymnastics exercise that she has been struggling with. My daughter just moved up a level and, with that, was given a new coach. This coach has a different way of interacting with the people he works with. He’s more demanding and his communication style is reflective of this.
I spent Wednesday night trying to help my daughter understand that this is part of working to improve. Do I love the way he coaches a beginner 9 year old? No. Does that mean that I need to swoop in and rescue her? Also no. We all have to learn how to find value not in how other’s speak to us, but rather in our own actions. We listen to what they say, but don’t take our cues from their tone. I talked to my daughter to help her understand that we all have different communication styles, though I could see in her eyes that she was still struggling.
Because she was struggling, so was I. But I know that the best thing that can happen is for her to learn how to deal with these situations herself…while I keep an eye on this from the background.
And then the blessing came. She worked with 2 elite level college athletes who are months off of a national championship. The young ladies can do things with their athleticism that most of us wouldn’t even dream of and yet I watched as they worked with my daughter and daughter her how to do a back roll-an element the coach at my daughter’s gym was harping on because she couldn’t seem to get it.
Do you know what they were doing while they were helping her? They were laughing, they were joking, they were helping her process, and they were mentoring her. They wouldn’t call it mentoring but that’s exactly what it was. I watched as they brought this 9 year old into their circle of influence and friendship. I could hear them talking about things in the way I’ve heard them talking with their own friends.
For just a moment I was given the chance to see her learning what a supportive community looked like. I saw what her future interactions might look like. To be honest I had a weird out of body moment where I almost felt like I was seeing a glimpse of the future where my daughter was older and was sitting and talking with her friends. Beyond my reach, but just as loved.
I saw how she can be supported and how she can support. I saw a community of young women who share a passion for a sport care for each other and help each other. I saw a community where the more advanced care for the beginners.
I saw friendship beyond age.
I’m not the only influence in my daughter’s life fighting for her future and well being. And that brings me more joy that I can express.