The Maximization of Relationship in Sharing Faith
You know what I find wrong with most of the missional training out there?
The emphasis in delivery. Now here’s the thing. I’m not saying that the delivery is wrong. I’m not critiquing the focus of the theology or the method or the path that they take to share. What I am critiquing is the focus of the training.
The focus of the training is on what to say. That’s not inherently incorrect. Most people struggle with missions and sharing their faith because they don’t feel prepared. Not feeling prepared comes in two forms. First, they don’t think they know what to say. Second, they don’t think they are qualified to say it even if they do know what to say. Overcoming these two obstacles is a major victory in any training session. Getting people to feel like they CAN share their faith is really about 95% of the battle because the biggest issue in missional action is not what people are saying (not to downplay the importance of proper understanding) but that most people simply aren’t saying anything.
I propose that there is a missing piece in most trainings on how to share the gospel: the emphasis on listening. We train and train on what to say but show little understanding of how to teach people how to listen, what to listen for, when to talk, and how apply what they have been taught in what they should say.
Listening is key in relationship and relationship is key in effectively sharing our faith and making sure that what we say and show if heard and felt. I fear that this concept is becoming lost in our faith. We hear missions and we think of going to a third world country, an impoverished area, or an underserved neighborhood to do some work and using the Roman Road, 3 Circles, or any number of other methods to share our faith without ever creating relationship. We drop in like Christian special forces, do the job, and get back to safety while making sure our entire team makes it back with us. Again, not wrong…but not the full picture.
The full picture includes relationship. You can’t look at the scriptures and miss the importance of relationship alongside the concept the of sharing our faith. Look at Paul. Considered one of the greatest missionaries of all time (which is an odd concept to think about really when you start ranking missionaries) Paul’s missionary strategy did not involve short term drop ins but rather staying, living, and learning the people he missioned to. He developed such deep relationships with them that they continued to care for him long after he left. They cared for him so much that they sent people to check on him and MINISTER TO HIM (see Epaphroditus). Maybe we should just our missional efforts by whether or not those we minister to come to our aid to minister to us in our times of need; it won’t be a 100% proven measure, but maybe it should be considered.
Relationship
Paul was constantly building relationships because that’s the way that we disseminate and exchange information. That’s how we absorb information that changes our behaviors and thoughts and shapes our actions. Missional strategies and tracks that don’t teach listening and relationship are assuming something of the learner: that they understand the information being taught is best shared in relationship.
There are 2 problems here. Most of the people learning these methods are more isolated than we would like to admit. Their relationships stay within a confined group, rarely venturing outside of their current boundaries with the purpose of intentionally seeking out new relationship. And further, American society (I use that term because I don’t want to speak broadly about other societies and cultures I don’t fully understand) is becoming more isolated with the increase and development of technology. It’s easier to experience much of life while being more isolated. Access to new people in order to share that valuable information being learned in missional training is harder to come by without relationship. In addition, as Christianity moves further from the norm in society, a lone voice amongst strangers is becoming easier and easier to ignore. But the words, life, and actions of a friend still have impact.
So are we missing the point by only teaching what to say? Perhaps trainings should be focused on how to create and build a relationship, how to make a connection, how to listen for an opportunity, and how to share our faith in a relatable and impactful way. I think so. That’s not to say that what we are teaching is wrong. But it is incomplete.
Maybe you disagree with me. Maybe by naming a way you learned to share the gospel in Sunday school I triggered your defense mechanism. In which case you either stopped reading, or you’re still reading simply out of spite. But if you are reading because you see something that has caught your attention and adds up to your experience I’d like to offer 3 resources to you.
2 are books by Dustin Willis. Life on Mission and The Simplest Way to Change the World. These are incredibly impactful books, with studies to go alongside, that talk about what sharing your faith looks like in the context of building relationships and using your own life as a tool in building those relationships. The last is an organization: For All Mankind Movement (famm.org). FAMM is a missions organization that trains people how to share the gospel from the ground up. They teach how to listen for opportunities to share the gospel, how you use your own story to share God’s story, how you use these moments to create more opportunities, and continue beyond that one encounter. It’s really the most comprehensive training through books and online material that I’ve seen (I was blown away when I found them because of how well they put into writing what I had been feeling and seeing).
Good luck. Listen well. Use your story to share God’s story. It’s all about relationships.